Tricky Soup

Pffft, Vacation Over

2006-07-31T14:39:00.000-04:00

Here's what happened during my week off:
We started with the backyard fence – it’s not build yet, but the holes are dug and most of the pre-fab panels have been stained.
You had a bunch of temper tantrums and Papa says it’s all his fault because he’s been spoiling you.
At some point one night you started hugging my head like you’d gone completely bonkers.
Otherwise you’re now weaned. Yep, you’re off the boob. I’m not sure how I feel about it – a bit sad I guess, but also glad ‘cause, you know, I do like coffee. And a glass of wine or something every once in a while. On the bright side, you’ve become a bit more snugly since you no longer get the boob, so I’m not too sad.
We also went to parks a lot and tried to get you to not hate the wading ponds as much – but that didn’t work out so well. As soon as you got sprinkled on, you lost all ability to move. Just stood there and whimpered until one of us rescued you.
Oddly enough, I completely forgot to make Papa come up with a nice little something for us – but I guess once the fence is in, we’ll get him.
You're sporting a good sized purple bruise on your forehead since you had a huge tantrum and banged your head on the floor. Papa was holding you, but somehow you slipped. Poor monkey.

We also tried once again, successfully this time, to get you a German passport. The first time didn’t go so well because of some document we didn’t know we needed (even though I’d checked with them twice before going), and this time we weren’t sure your photos were acceptable. They are using some new biometrical thingies and it’s pretty much impossible to have a picture taken that is acceptable – they are a bit more lenient with little BabyFreaks, but not much. And you, of course, were not willing to have your picture taken…. Papa took you a couple of times and they never got as far as even getting one, so we both took you and even though you did sit in the chair for me, you just cried and cried and cried and there are visible tear streaks in the picture. We were a bit worried that they were going to be rejected and were scoping out the passport places around the consulate. In the end, the pictures were fine, barely, but we still had two problems:

1. I hadn’t changed my last name when I married Papa and we’d decided to give you his last name.
2. We weren’t married when we had you, scandalous I know, and so somehow according to German law Papa was not really your Papa. Who knew?

After a lot of back and forth and involving a more senior colleague and filling out forms and swearing oaths, it should now be acceptable to the Germans that you and I have different last names and that Papa is indeed your Papa even though we had you before, you know, we got married.

What nonsense, but it had to be done. At first, they weren’t going to accept your passport application until the forms we had to fill out got send to Hamburg and Berlin and were filed away in some legalizing way, but somehow it became possible. They will now even mail us your passport so we don’t have to go again…. Still, it took half a day to sort this out.

Papa and I are hoping that one day you’ll appreciate your dual citizenship.

And we also need to come up with some sort of bedtime routine for you. Until now, we’ve just been letting you go to sleep on the boob or on Papa’s shoulder on rare occasions, but now that there’s no more boob for you, we’ll need to figure out something else. Papa suggested warm milk out of a sippy cup. We tried last night, but it didn’t work – not surprising since you don’t drink milk and you don’t drink out of a sippy cup. We’re not sure why you won’t drink milk, since you take it with your raising bran in the morning, and you’ve never liked the sippy cup. You’ll drink out of a cup or not at all.

We should have known.

Oh. And I found yet another frog in my mailbox at work. For you.

Ribbit Ribbit Ribbit

2006-07-21T10:18:00.000-04:00

So erm, ever since the big boss gave me little bath toy frogs for you, everyone else in the office has been getting into the swing of things…. OK, probably not everyone else, but at least one person.

Your frog total now stands at:
 The four original frogs from Doug.
 One frog I found on my laptop when I came back from lunch one day.
 One frog they bought for me from the office budget that can stick its tongue out. It’s the ugliest of them all.
 One folded paper frog I found on my desk one morning.
 A bunch of little wine-gummy frogs someone placed into my mailbox this morning (OK, I suppose those are more likely to be meant for me, but still).

I’m not sure what’s up with that, given that things in my office have turned so nasty. You know, what with the donkey and all – though she’s on vacation and it’s definitely not her that’s leaving nice things for you. Even if she did, I wouldn’t keep them :)

Now, all I have to do is survive a teleconference with the boss and last until 4:30 and then I’ll be home for a week with you and Papa. Yay!

5 Months Already

2006-07-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

Since I’ve come back to work.
Sigh.

I’m used to it now, but it’s a much more dysfunctional place than before I went on mat. leave – good thing I’m about to get a week off. Woo hooo! Still have to last through tomorrow, but I can deal with that.

And BabyFreak, before you get all excited, we’re not going anywhere. Nope, Papa was supposed to think up something nice for a little getaway thingie, but you know him…. That didn’t work out so well, though he did come up with the suggestion to drive to Ottawa. Papa and I both used to live there, though that was before we knew each other, while we went to Grad School and we still like the place. We’ve been meaning to go for a while, but somehow it never worked out. And yeah it's nice, but a bit far for a nice, little getaway in a week in which we have to do all sorts of other things as well.

Anyway…. We’re not going. Our car is too small and way too uncomfortable and it’s got no a/c and the last time we went on a road trip and it was hot out, you didn’t do so well. We were kinda worried, actually…. You were sitting in your hot little car seat, all sweaty and half-asleep without any energy at all. Head droopy, eyes half open and all red in the face. Not at all what you do on a normal day – we normally have to sing to you loudly to keep you entertained for the last hour or so because you have gotten sick and tired of sitting down for so long. Anyway, we also don’t really want to spend all that cash just to go to Ottawa.

The plan now is to say put, get some stuff done around the house and to possibly build a fence around the backyard so we can get that all going and turn it into a nice hang-out space for us.

I’m just glad I’ll get to spend some time with my little family, but have, of course, informed Papa that he’s not off the hook exactly and that he should still be planning something nice for the three of us. Not sure how well that’s going to go, but he can make a bit of an effort every once in while, no?

It'll be our last week together before you're starting homecare!

It's Official, Bunny!

2006-07-17T09:35:00.000-04:00

In 4 weeks from now, you’ll be starting daycare full-time, though we’ve signed you up part-time starting the couple of weeks prior to that so you can get used to it. We didn’t think it was such a good idea to just drop you off there one day and abandon you for the full day. Not that we like for you to go there in the first place, but it’s the only option we have. At this time anyway.

You are now all signed up with the first place we visited, the private one that we liked. Ilda, your homecare provider (yikes… saying that will take some time getting used to) seems super nice and super flexible, she’s got a house and a yard full of toys, and she’ll take you on outings. We liked her, we liked her set-up and you seemed to like her to – and, she gets big gold stars for this one, she didn’t try to slobber all over you! Plus, she didn't try to force you to play with her or hug her, but waited for you to come to her when you were ready, and that’s really all that’s needed to make you happy around new people.

Papa and I don’t feel totally horrible for having to abandon you. I mean, we do, but at least we get to abandon you with someone who’s nice and who’s got toys and books and who’s flexible and doesn’t have plastic couch protectors. So yeah, I guess under the circumstances we’ll be able to deal with it – besides, everyone tells me that leaving a little monkey at daycare is much harder for the parents than it is for the monkey herself. So I’m just gonna go with that, at least for now.

Papa is having a hard time starting to think about going back to work. In his usual fashion, he won’t really talk about it, but I know. I also know how he feels, ‘cause when I had to do it back in February I barely knew how to deal with it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I was so completely upset about it that I just cried and cried and cried for days.

Anyway, we seemed to have tamed your tantrums a bit and once again you’re more enjoyable. You still like to shove as much food into your mouth as possible, up to the point of near choking, and when we don’t give you more until you’ve chewed and swallowed, you have a complete meltdown.

And we’re also weaning you. You’ve been fairly good with it, but it’s pretty clear that you’d prefer to keep going with the boob. I’m sorry Bunny, but it’s got to be done. I just wish we could explain it to you so you wouldn’t be so completely blindsided by it.

Who Ate My Baby?

2006-07-07T15:25:00.000-04:00

More proof you are indeed early with the toddlerfreakishness….. Your temper tantrums are no longer just occasional diversions, but they are actually all you do. Constantly. Over and over and over again.

You want to go outside, but you start banging your head on the floor when we put on your shoes. You are hungry but start screaming when we put you into your high chair or come near you with food. You want to play with the ball, but get most upset when the ball comes near you. You scream. You holler. You cry. You bang your head. You get mad. Then you get over it – just to do it all over the next chance you get.

Amusing? Not anymore.
Cute? In a way, I guess it still is.
Annoying? Yes, definitely.

I’ve been telling Papa that you’re behaving like a 2 year old for weeks, probably months, now (yes, sometimes I do know best) and I’m not sure he ever believed me. Now he seems to, though he also blames himself for having spoiled you. Not sure I agree with that, though I know he’s very quick to jump and pick you up at the first sign of you beginning to think about complaining. You were pretty well adjusted to playing on your own while I had breakfast when I was still home with you – sure, you’d have preferred to sit on my lap, but you learned that you couldn’t for those few minutes and were fine with it – now, you proudly sit on Papa’s lap when he has breakfast and freak out completely if he so much as tries to remove you. He’s such a sucker – and you, of course, shamelessly take advantage of him. And why wouldn’t you?

We were just discussing you, a co-worker and I were, and when I described what you’ve been up to lately, she said she doesn’t believe it ‘cause you’re “such a little angel!”. Yeah right! Though in all fairness, she’s only ever seen you a couple of times, back in the days when you were still a sweet baby and we thought temper tantrums were at least another year and a half or two years away.

Anyway, tomorrow we’re going out for brunch with friends and I guess then we’ll concentrate on turning you into a slightly normal person again.

You know, one that is enjoyable and cute and sweet. One that laughs a lot and plays, one that is a little less miserable. One that resembles You.

You Ain't Goin' There, Babe!

2006-07-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

So, erm, trying to find a decent daycare provider for you is not much fun and it’s not easy, either. Of course, it’s no fun ‘cause I’d much rather not look in the first place but stay home with you myself. But it’s even less fun because these people are freaks, I tell you, complete freaks!

Papa and I decided to find a homecare provider for you rather than send you to a real daycare centre. This was supposed to be good – it was supposed to be close to our home, run by qualified people, in an enriched environment, etc., etc. Your home away from home, you know. The agency we chose came highly recommended and when I first talked to them way back when, they seemed so great and they sent us the nicest information kit and we thought ok, we’re in business.

Well, and then we applied and things started to be a bit more weird. First they were running late in setting up appointments and then they wanted us to check one out that is at least a 30 minute drive away… Let’s just say we were not impressed, but appointments in our neighbourhood were finally made and we went to the first two over the past weekend.

Place #1 – run by an elderly lady who speaks a bit of English and covers her living room furniture, the room in which you’d be spending most of your time if over my dead body we’d let you go there, in protective plastic covers. Enough said, right? To be polite, we stayed a bit and asked questions and it turns out that she has very few toys and that the ones she does have all fit under the living room couch. It’s not that we’re expecting her to have a toy Hummer just for you or anything, but please! She didn’t even have one single book! Naps are strictly regimented – “everyone naps at 1:00 because I need a break. Just on Mondays, things get messed up a bit because the children loose the routine over the weekend, so they may nap at ten to 1:00”. You could just tell that she was quite put out by that. Anyway, this happens after we specifically said in the registration form that we’re looking for someone flexible who understands that babies have their own schedules sometimes. Yikes. No way you’re going there. Never.

Place #2 – run by a veiled woman who also only speaks a bit of English. She tried to kiss you before we were even inside her house and then physically restrained you from entering her living room because we’d not taken off your sandals. That was nice, too. This room had zero toys, zero, but a big screen TV in it. Who knows what they mean by enriching environment, but surely it must include at least some toys and books? You would think so, but again, there were no books in sight, anywhere. She did have a few more toys than the other one, tucked away somewhere in a hot little room at the back of the house, but we didn’t really care to see them or anything. She also kept trying to pick you up and slobber all over you, even though you made it quite clear that you weren’t into it. Anyway, there’s no way you’re going there, either. Never.

Yikes, Schnuffi! This makes me even sadder at having to find a daycare provider for you. Anyway, on the bright side we have Ilda whose only problem is that she’s a bit further away from us than is convenient and that she’s completely private so there’s no one checking up on her. But she’s nice! She’s got toys! She’s got books! She didn’t try to slobber all over you! She speaks English! She’s got toys and a little kiddie pool in her yard! She personally comes highly recommended! She has awesome references! We liked her! Yeah, so if this agency can’t come up with anything better, then at least we’ve got a place that doesn’t horrify us completely.

The Weekend is Near! And it's a Long One!

2006-06-30T10:30:00.000-04:00

It’s a long weekend coming up and you’re getting over your first illness (we’re not counting your recent immunization-related fever nor the cold you’ve had just before Christmas when you had incredibly loooooooooooooong ribbons of snot hanging out of your nose for an entire week and had problems with the boob ‘cause you couldn’t breathe through your nose, hence making it difficult to eat and breathe at the same time) – anyway, you seem to have caught the same stomach bug I’ve had for the last few days and I know it’s not a fun one, let’s just leave it at that. Hopefully you’ll be over it by tomorrow morning, or better yet tonight as we’ve got another daycare thingy to check out. And then another one tomorrow morning and then we’re off to see Oma and Grumpy and some of the assorted aunties and uncles and cousins out in the countryside for the weekend.

Are you excited yet? I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself if only you knew what was up, but as it is, you’ll just have to wait and see. Sometimes I wonder how you babyfreaks put up with this sort of thing – getting put in the car when really you want to play rather than go who knows where to do who knows what. Must be confusing, but you’ve been doing a stellar job of just going with the flow. I think you’re a pretty laid back baby, though Papa disagrees with that assessment. And he may be right… since you can also be incredibly prone to temper-tantrums every time you happen to disagree with something, or just think you might disagree with though you really don’t.

I guess maybe what I’m hoping for is that yes, you are on an even keel overall, and that for now, we’re just experiencing your early onset toddlerfreakishness. Even Oma M. who, as you know, claims to know all about babies (and everything else for that matter) was in awe of your full-fledged tantrums, including banging your head into the nearest hard suface, gesticulating with hands and feet, throwing your entire body around and complaining loudly. I must admit it’s fun to watch, but can be slightly annoying at times.

Anyway, I’m glad to be getting a break from work – what with the donkeys around here and all – and everyone will be happy to see you. Now I just have to make it to 4:00 and get out of here and I’ll get to see you and Papa, woo hoo!

Are you Ready?

2006-06-27T14:46:00.000-04:00

Oh yikes, how I wish we were rich and I’d never ever, ever have to go back to work! My co-worker is still a donkey, but that’s not the reason. Really, it’s not. Though it’s not helping either. No one appreciates being stabbed in the back or anything, but really, the reason I don’t ever want to go back to work is so I can stay home with you and don’t have to send you off to some daycare provider!

Sigh.

We checked one out last night and Papa and I are so not ready to send you off to some stranger’s house for the full day! I mean, we always knew you were going to go to daycare and, honestly, I never had a problem with that – until I held you in my arms that is. That changed everything.

I know I’m a freak and I know you like spending time with people and kids best of all, but it still seems all wrong. It’s not that I don’t ever want to work, quite the opposite, I think I’d be bored at home all the time, but it just seems so wrong to have you spend most of your time with someone else.

On the bright side, my boss’s boss gave me three little frog bath toys for you this morning. Pretty odd, given that he normally doesn’t even speak to me (or anyone else), but I guess he is human after all. Apparently, he moved into his new condo and the previous owner forgot them in the tub, so he thought you might like them. It’s just that he didn’t explain any of this right off the bat. Instead, he asked me whether I ever give you a bath…..

Nice gesture, anyway.

Another Weekend Over

2006-06-26T14:32:00.000-04:00

This weekend, we had a late Father’s Day (there was no point to do it last week, with the house full of Germans and Papa with a splitting headache) – went to Niagara-on-the-Lake, well, more the area around it. You liked running around after your ball in the grass, waved madly at various people and you ate cherries for the first time. Loved them.
We did stop in Niagara-on-the-Lake on the way home and some tourist family from Japan fell completely in love with you – the older woman kept staring at you and got her husband to come back and take a video of you…. You, of course, loved the attention and started waving at the camera :) Papa and I thought they were a bit weird, but they seemed harmless enough, so we let them do it. It’s just a bit odd when people do those things without saying a word, though I guess they didn’t speak any English. Oh well.

You also learned to stand up after having fallen down, without pulling yourself up on anything.

And you’re now sleeping in your own room. This doesn’t seem to be a problem for you at all, but it might be for me – we used to banish Papa there so he could snore in peace while you and I got some sleep…. Now that the guest bed has been taken down, I guess I’ll be stuck with him :)

Phew!

2006-06-23T15:18:00.000-04:00

The last few weeks, days in particular, have just been nuts….. Oma left on Friday, Christiane and her folks, including all three little kidlets, arrived on Saturday and left on Tuesday, and work has been a complete mess. As you have yet to learn, co-workers can be backstabbing nuisances – anyway….

You’ve been a bit sick from the end of last week on, had your first fever ever because of your latest shot, and for those few days turned into the calm, snugly baby we sometimes wish you were! We felt bad for you having a fever and not feeling so hot, but otherwise we thoroughly enjoyed the New You. You are back to normal again, though, and haven’t snuggled much since, but at least we don’t have to worry about you anymore.

We survived the last few days with Oma and it seemed that toward the end, she had calmed down enough to make things a bit more enjoyable for Papa and me. Or maybe she'd just run out of energy. At least she didn’t constantly try to tell us what to do with you, how to do it, when to take you outside, when to wake you up from your nap, when not to wake you up from your nap, what to feed you, when to put you to sleep, etc. etc. You ended up having a lot of fun one night with her and laughed your head off like you’ve probably never done before, or maybe only when you first learned to really laugh and oftentimes could not get over some small funny thing. Anyway, it was nice to see and it made Oma happy. You haven’t complained yet that she’s no longer around, but maybe that’s just because you can’t, I don’t know.

Papa and I had Saturday morning to clean the house and get ready for Christiane and everyone – too bad you weren’t yourself entirely, else you’d have enjoyed being with her little kidlets much more. Especially Mia, who’s 5 months older than you, shorter, lighter and wears smaller diapers :) As it was, you got pushed over by her a bunch of times, had fun petting each other on the head one afternoon and she kissed you a few times. The boys kissed you, too, constantly actually, but you just tried to keep to yourself most of the time. Not at all like you.

But now you’re back to normal and we’ve got the house to ourselves again, yay. All the plants we planted with Oma are also still alive, yay for that, too.

I'd Count My Blessings if I had a Religious Bone in My Body

2006-06-15T14:31:00.000-04:00

Oh BabyFreak, are we ever lucky to have you!

Work is a right old bummer these days, so I try to do as little of it as possible and read people’s blogs instead – so many sad, sad, sad stories about people trying to have kids and it not working out. I can’t even begin to imagine what these women (and men) go through – but it sure makes me really happy that we’ve got you and that we didn’t have to go through much of anything to get you!

And let’s see, maybe we can pull it off again, so that within a year or so there’ll be two of you BabyFreaks around…. Papa and I have come a long way from I-guess-we-could-have-a-kid-but-definitely-only-one to More-we-want-more.... Actually, I want a whole bunch more, but Papa is close to a nervous breakdown whenever I say that and I'm getting to be too old for that.

Anyway, it just makes me really happy that we've got you!

Gravel Stuck to the Monkey's Nose

2006-06-12T16:17:00.000-04:00

Another weekend over…. We took you and Oma to Campbellville and the Crawford Lake Conservation Area yesterday. And a nice day it was, though you may feel a bit different….

I made the fist mistake by letting you walk once we got there – of course, you did not want to go into the stroller, but instead you wanted to push it around. Not a problem normally, but in the gravel parking lot things didn’t go so well. Papa somehow had you and let go of you, so you ended up falling down flat on your face! For the first time ever (well, you have fallen down before, many times in fact, but never quite like that….)! Scraped your nose and ended up in a pissy mood for pretty much the rest of the afternoon. I got freaked out, but - and yes, I’m still proud of myself – managed not to shriek for you and not to scream at Papa for letting you fall down.

You, on the other hand, wouldn’t go near Papa for the first bit, or near the stroller. You wouldn’t walk either, meaning that I got to carry you around…. Not that I mind that or anything, but you do weigh over 20 pounds now and you do get heavy…. Anyway, we walked around and you were quite happy – as long as neither Papa nor the stroller came near you, as long as I was holding you or helping you climb up the big rocks. Oma, as usual, wasn't helping matters much by remarking more than once that “It won’t be the last time….”. She's all warm and fuzzy, that Oma, huh?

Eventually, you needed the boob, but even that didn’t help much as you still refused to go near Papa, near the stroller or walk. We were all happy when eventually you calmed down enough to sit in your stroller without complaining too much – but really, you kept starting up again and again, sometimes just when Papa looked at you. We went for a late lunch and to walk around Campbellville after and things started improving, but you were really only completely fine after you had a nap on the way back.

Your little nose is still scraped up.

Ginormous MonsterBaby no more?

2006-06-07T10:01:00.000-04:00

Papa took you to your 1-year check up at the Doctor’s yesterday and, as it turns out, you’re not off the chart anymore :) You’re still high up in the percentiles though – of course you are, you’re almost as tall as 2 year old Arthur who lives down the street.

Anyway, in your first year of life, you’ve gained 13 pounds and grown by over 21 cm!

Weekend Over

2006-06-05T09:31:00.000-04:00

Oh little Babyfreak, I’m sooo tired. You were up most of the night once again, not nice at all… The latest trick is that you wake up in the middle of the night, screaming like you’re in pain, getting Papa and me up really fast, hearts racing and adrenalin pumping. We can’t wait for you to get over that…. Though I guess I can't complain 'cause this weekend was not all that bad – on Saturday, you didn’t get up around the usual 6:00am, but you actually slept until just before 9:00!!!!! That has not happened since I’ve had to go back to work and we all had to get used to getting up early - so it was blissful. Absolutely blissful. Now if only we could get you to do that every weekend! Or at least every once in a while....

Your birthday was pretty exciting for you – the balloons! – the re-arranged furniture! – the people! – the presents! – and it was a good party. Friday night after work it was just Papa and Oma M. and me, but on Sunday afternoon we had a party with everyone. It was fun – lots of good food for everyone, you got lots of new stuff and it was the first party in our still-ugly-but-now-shedless-backyard.

You were a bit shy at first when everyone just got here, but it didn’t take you long to get over that….. You were a bit confused about the very yummy birthday carrot cake, tried to poke it a few times and pretty much refused to eat it - you didn’t want any at first and when you did take some, you spit it out. Immediately.

You got a cute teddy bear from Papa and me, some books, new clothes from Oma (they are cute ‘cause I picked them out), a bobbycar, also from Oma, A – Z books, a drum kit complete with a trumpet and another trumpet-like thing, and gardening tools from Uncle Chris. Lots more stuff, but I guess those stand out – especially the gardening tools (just what was he thinking????). Oh, you also got Emily's little baby piano (and you love it already), and some plastic crap that makes lots of noise if you hit a button etc. that we'll donate away to those who need it/want it. And really, there's only so much Papa and I can handle... plus, we're thinking that you won't miss it 'cause you've probably aleady forgotten that you had it :)

All in all, a good weekend!

Happy Birthday, Schnuffi!

2006-06-02T14:57:00.000-04:00

You are completely oblivious of this, but it is your birthday today! You’re one whole year old! Woo hooo!

Papa and I have been thinking and talking a lot about this time last year and you know, not being pregnant is a vast improvement on its own, but having you is just everything. I never thought I’d say something as corny as this, but you have brought a lot of joy and laughter to us. Really.

I come home from work, not always in a good mood, but just seeing you and being close to you when you nurse, playing and wrestling with you make it all better. Especially when you are being sweet and snugly and don’t scratch or pinch or bite.

Here’s a bit of a list of what you have learned and done in the past year:

 Your hair has turned from standing on edge and being brunette to being flat and very blond.
You can say Mama and I love it.
Most of your clothes are for 2 year olds, and some of those don’t even fit you anymore.
You can clap, wave bye-bye and climb up the stairs.
You know your own will and have no qualms about letting us know what it is. You complain beautifully when something doesn't go your way or you just think it may not.
You can give wet sloppy kisses.
You get excited when you see people, especially other kids. Same for dogs and cats and raccoons and squirrels and even birds.
You love making your rounds around the coffee table, always carrying a toy and always going in the same direction.
You love it when we sing to you.
You have 14 teeth, with 2 more coming in.
You can walk, a bit anyway, and you can crawl very fast.
You like jumping up and down on the couch when you look out the window.
You like to eat all kinds of fruit, Cheerios, chicken, cottage cheese, yoghurt, but beans and rice seem to make you gag.
You keep trying to jump off anything, usually head first.

I could go on, but that’s what comes to mind right now. I can’t wait to get home and see how you like your new toys!

As for Papa, he says: “It’s been a year of being tired!”
But he meant it in a good way, really.

Happy Birthday, Schnuffi!

Are you a Toddlerfreak now?

2006-06-01T14:41:00.000-04:00

And now you are indeed walking, all by yourself. Still wobbly and falling down often, but you really and truly are w a l k i n g!

Tuesday afternoon, just 3 days shy of your very first birthday, you just went after your blue, spikey ball like you’ve done many times before. Just this time you didn’t crawl, but you walked. Alone. Without holding on to a chair or anyone’s hand or anything at all. Just let go of the table and kept walking. Wobbly, but it got you to where you wanted to be. And I got to see it because I had called in sick that day because Oma is visiting and I thought I should, ahem. I’m glad I did.

And I’m not the only one who got excited about it. Oma did and Papa did when I went to get him out of the basement where he was building a trellis for the clematis we’re going to get for the front yard. And you did, too. Started pointing with your finger and talking excitedly, and when we had you in your high chair for some food right after, you just sat there with a quiet little grin.

So, now you are a walking little Babyfreak – it’s so nice to see, but it also makes me a little sad – just because you’re growing up so quickly. And in a sense, it’s almost like the end of an era…..

Short and Wobbly Legs

2006-05-29T12:02:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I took you for a walk – yes, you walked, holding on to one of my hands, but otherwise all by yourself. You’ve done this before, but never quite so enthusiastically and quite so far. We went up to the next street, then around the corner to our parallel street and then down that street. You made it ¾ of the way down, before refusing to take another step, almost halfway around the block.

When we came back to our house, you plunked yourself down and started playing with the little rocks on our new pebble path, got a clump of earth in your mouth and ate some of the soil before you decided you didn’t like it and tried to scrape if off your tongue.

You then also walked about 5 steps all by yourself!

Pretty soon 5 steps won’t seem like much anymore, but for now it’s enough to make us all excited. And yes, I do realize that the more serious running around after you is about to start. Not only can you get up the stairs by yourself, you have been trying to get down by yourself, too – forwards, like regular people and not backwards like babies, and you are not all that interested in learning how to get down backwards. I guess that’s what boring babies do? Or maybe sane ones….

And pretty soon, we’ll be adding can-run-headfirst-into-the-street to that list right alongside and-doesn’t-have-the-sense-to-know-any-better.

Mama is home!

2006-05-25T15:12:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, you were sitting on Papa’s lap on the porch when I came home from work. You didn’t recognize the car or me in it, but you sure recognized me when I got out. Started making noisy happy squeals and waving your arms, and just got pretty excited to see me.

You have no idea how nice that was – work was kinda stressful and in the mornings, you’re more likely to scratch us than to be happy with us. Though you did kiss me good-bye when I left, with the usual wide open mouth, all wet and enthusiastic.

I do miss you when I am at work!

The Blood that Binds

2006-05-23T16:04:00.001-04:00

Supposedly, anyway. Poor Babyfreak, more muttering about Oma. For you.

You seem to be enjoying her quite a bit, and you should. Plus, you’re still mainly clueless and like just about anyone who comes to our house. Or we run into on the street. Or we see out of the window. And if someone pays attention to you, you like them even more!

I, on the other hand, am not quite as people-loving, especially not when I disagree with pretty much everything that a person does, or says, and have disagreed with for a long time. You know, I am glad for you and her to get some time together and it sure is nice to have her take you for walks – you like it and it gives Papa and me some time alone, some time away from you (and yes, we do love you, more than you can possibly know, but you can be quite a handful and it’s just nice to sit alone quietly, even if only for an hour….). Anyway, most importantly, it gives us time away from her. Which we need, badly. Makes me want to fake a business trip again, just like I did a few years ago when Papa was sort of living at my place but still had his own apartment and we fled there to get away from a nasty houseguest we had… Yes, I know this is not nice, but I don’t often subscribe to this ‘if-you-can’t-say-anything-nice-don’t-say-anything-at-all nonsense.

She doesn’t think you need to wear sunscreen or a hat – not sure whether she’s not aware of the dangers of too much sun or whether she just wants to make you hardier, but you’d think that she’d want to keep you safe and healthy…. She also thinks it’s ok for you to take your first bumbling steps holding on to only one hand in the middle of a construction site, our backyard, with glass and nails and all kinds of debris scattered around. Apparently, you’ll “have to learn!”, and yes, you will have to learn, but can it not wait until you’ve got a bit more sense? And are a little less wobbly? Besides, even if she thinks it’s ok and if that’s very much the way your Auntie Anja and I grew up - and according to her, we turned out ok - it doesn’t mean that she gets to decide how to keep you safe. Though she sure does – started arguing with me when I asked her to not let you walk around in the mess that is our yard.

And I guess that’s what gets to me most, this constant argumentative and obstinate bickering of hers. Thankfully, she is not in charge of my life anymore and I sure won’t let her be in charge of yours. I don’t think she has a clue that a big part of me leaving in the first place and then never moving back there has to do with what qualified for parenting when I grew up. And yeah, you may argue that I should have gotten over it and moved on to a mature daughter-mother relationship, but it takes two to get there. And you know, our relationship is much better from a distance – I can usually tolerate the occasional phone call, at the very least I can hang up if it begins to bother me, and sometimes I even like talking to her. I also know that she didn’t really mean us any harm and that she had a lot to deal with, but I guess somehow it’s easier to keep that in mind when she’s not right there in my face. And I do appreciate all the help she gave me with paying back my student loans and all that stuff – and I do want to maintain some sort of relationship with her, but it’s just so damn difficult.

I am also not sure you should be reading this, ever, but I guess I won’t have to tell you unless I want to. And I do need to get some of this out, not by talking (though that helps, too), but by writing it down. Seems to have some sort of cathartic effect on me.

Anyway, Oma is quite enjoying you and you are enjoying her, so that’s all good. And no worries, Papa and I will protect you from her attempts at making you hardy (or whatever she’s trying to do by not worrying whether or not you get a sunburn or kill yourself by falling head first into a rusty nail), so hopefully you’ll only get the best of her. The last few days, you’ve been quite excited to realize every morning that she’s still there – I guess it must be weird, being so completely clueless about most things that go on. All of a sudden, another person lives with us! How did that happen? Are you going to notice when all of a sudden she’s going to be gone? Are you going to be able to let us know that you’ve noticed?

Other than that, you’re starting to walk with holding on to one hand only, and you’re getting a wee bit more snugly! You’re also getting two more teeth, bringing your grand total to 14!

2006-05-23T09:32:00.000-04:00

Kleine Raupe Nimmersatt!

Sunday afternoon, in the span of about 2 hours, you had:

 both boobs, twice
 a bunch of cottage cheese
 almost an entire apple
 handfuls of Cheerios
 more than half a cup of water, in one sip
 and 3/4 of a barbequed chicken breast!

Then you had more boob just before going to bed an hour after dinner.

2006-05-17T08:29:00.000-04:00

I love it when you nurse in the morning and have a belly full of milk that sloshes around noisily when I bounce you on my knees.

2006-05-16T12:21:00.000-04:00

Oma M. is coming tomorrow…. I’m sure you’ll be excited, after all, you loooooove people of all sorts! The more people, the better, as far as you’re concerned. Papa and I still are not sure how we ended up with the crazy little extrovert you turned out to be, but I’m glad for you. At least no one is ever going to think you’re boring or arrogant just because you’re quietly minding your own business….

Do you even remember her from last October when she was here? Probably not, since you were only 4 months old then, already able to stand up with some help, and your hair still standing on edge. You liked her then (but hey, you like pretty much everyone) and she sure liked you! Quite the proud Oma, taking you out with your stroller for little walks. And quite a different attitude toward you from when we first told her I was pregnant. Sheesh, I still feel my blood beginning to boil when I think back to that…. There are so many mothers of grown-up children who can’t wait to be grandmothers or who are at least excited when they hear there’s a new baby on the way – what does mine do??? Freak out completely, and not in a nice way! Apparently she was in complete shock because she had herself convinced that I was not to have kids, EVER, and then she couldn’t deal with it when we told her about you. Makes me sad to even think about it now….. but you know, it’s like I told you yesterday, hopefully you and I will have a much better relationship! I’ll work my ass off to make sure I don’t turn into my mother, that’s for sure, and I’ve instructed Papa to keep an eye on me to help make sure that won’t happen.

And you know, I really don’t just want to bitch and bitch and bitch to you about her, but this, unfortunately, is your family history little Bunny, and you will hear about it and you will have to live with it. Sorry :)

And I am glad that you’ll be happy to see her. She’s your Oma and not your mother and she lives far far far away, so I’m sure things will work out much better for you and her than they did/do for me and her. And to be honest, it will be nice for me to see you with her and I am looking forward to at least that part.

But I sure hope you will never, NEVER you hear, feel about me the way I feel about her.

2006-05-15T10:58:00.000-04:00

I guess I really should have started this a long time ago, but now that you’re about to turn 1 and we’ve just had our very first Mother’s Day together is not such a bad time either. It’s a bit frightening, to me if to no one else, that I’m about to embark on this – gushing about all the cute (and not so cute) little things you do, given that I can’t stand people who do this all day long to just about everyone they happen to run into! I don’t actually think I have become one of those, and I guess I’m also doing it to preserve all those memories of the little things. Things so small they’d get lost in the nooks and crannies of our lives together. And I’m also doing it to get out all those weird issues that have come so much closer again ever since we’ve had you – my relationship to my own family, dysfunctional as we were/are.

And hey, maybe one day I’ll even let you read this. Maybe when you have kids on your own? Not that I’m ready to even begin to think about that, but I do realize that you won’t always be my little Bunny. You will of course, but I guess not in the way you are now.

But yeah, so there we are, you’re about to have your very first birthday! The last year has just flown by, a wonderful whirlwind of the sweet newborn smell - tiny feet and hands - you and I learning how to breastfeed, loving the closeness off it though at times objecting to you taking soooo long to finish – watching Papa care for you and play with you and snuggle with you - carrying you around for what seemed to be hours as that was the only thing to keep you from crying in those early days - hearing your fist gurgles and giggles – singing and humming you to sleep - watching you grow 4 inches (at least!) overnight – crying with you when you cried - seeing your first teeth come in at your 100th day – letting you sleep on my shoulder – giving you your first spoonfuls of ‘real’ food, oatmeal cereal - witnessing you learning how to sit and learning how to stand and pull up, and watching you make your rounds around the coffee table over and over and over again – watching you figure out how to crawl - hearing you say ‘Mama’ and knowing you have no clue what it means and feeling my heart skip at least two beats – snuggling with you, at first with you as a willing participant and now forcing you into it for short moments, whatever time you can be coerced into sparing in your busy day of exploring, discovering, learning and playing – realizing you understand both ‘no’ and ‘nein’, ‘Komm her’ and ‘come here’ – watching you sleep – letting you test your limits, over and over again – seeing you get all excited when you see people or kids or dogs – letting you make me laugh - just being with you!

There’s so much more I could add to this list! Like how you’ve just started to wander around the dining room on your own (well, by holding on to and pushing one of our dining room chairs). Like how you gave me my very first bruised eye by banging into me with the back of your head one weekend morning in bed. Or how you’re finally able to laugh out loud when I tickle you with my chin along your ribs. Or how you’re slimming down now that you are so busy walking and crawling. Or, how this past weekend, you actually did end up snuggling with me on your own free will. Not for long, mind you, but it made me smile.

I guess just having had this Mother’s Day and having Oma M. come for a visit in a few days has made me think about mothers and daughters, the relationships we form and the kinds of things we do to each other. Hopefully you and I will have a relationship very different from what it was like with my family – what it is like with my family.

I guess I’m just thinking about all of it so much more these days. Pretty soon you’ll be one whole year old! It’s amazing how our lives have changed so much in that short period! You have added so much laughter to our lives, so much fun - and also so much stress and so much work – all those poopy diapers and temper tantrums… all those hours we had to be awake with you at night… all those times we had to sing to you in the car to make it bearable for you on the way home from visiting Oma and Opa out in the countryside….

But it’s OK, really it is, ‘cause Papa and I both love you so much, you can’t possibly know until you have your own kids!